Rules are Rules by Gail Oswald

Zoe Smith went to Sometimes Gym on Monday evening every week specifically to take part in Nick York's aqua aerobics class and followed by his salsa aerobics class.

She’d been going there for over two years and during that period she’d lost two stone in weight and was now a perfect size 10. His classes totally met her needs. She didn’t want use of the gym or any of the other classes.

Nick York was well over six feet tall and slim and very nice looking. Zoe had a major crush on him and was a little in love. She often flirted with him but the relationship remained strictly professional.

Then, just before Christmas, a new class timetable was announced to start on the 1st January and, to Zoe’s horror, Nick‘s classes were no longer running.

She filed several formal complaints at the front desk but all to no avail. Nick was nowhere to be seen throughout the Christmas break so, not knowing him outside the gym, she couldn’t ask him whether he would be teaching elsewhere.

There was only one thing for it. She would have to cancel her membership. It was rather a luxury anyway and stretched her finances a lot. So she would quit.

She called her bank and cancelled her direct debit. A month later, she received a letter from Sometimes Gym demanding payment of three months' membership as she had quit without giving the required notice.

She phoned Sometimes and spoke to the General Manager.

“You cancelled the only two classes that I come to the gym for,“ she told him. “That’s a significant change to my membership so I shouldn’t have to give notice.“

“Miss Smith, if you read the terms and conditions, you will see that Sometimes Gym has the right to change the timetable as it sees fit. I strongly advise you to pay your notice fees as we always sue for non-payment. Rules are rules with no exception.“

“But I don’t have that sort of money all at once!“

“I’ll accept it in three monthly instalments. Perhaps you would like to reinstate the direct debit?“

“No way!“ she exclaimed. “Can you please send me a copy of your terms and conditions and then I can decide what to do.“

Two days later, the terms and conditions arrived. And that’s when Zoe came up with a plan.

Anton Rogers, the General Manager, was an ex Army Sergeant Major and ran the place like a military operation. Everything was done by the book and if, indeed, someone failed to pay their membership promptly, he would pass the debt to a collection agency bang on time. His staff knew better than to cut corners or not pull their weight.

Duncan Sometime, the owner of the gym chain, was very impressed with Anton Rogers and had showcased that particular outlet as how a gym should be run.

Two weeks after Zoe Smith received the terms and conditions, she arrived in the reception area just before the busiest time. She was carrying a couple of gym mats, was wearing her gym gear and she brought with her an extremely good looking young man who would have been a great advert for a gym.

“Good evening, Mr Rogers,“ she smiled sweetly at him. “I hope you’re having a good day!“

“Good evening, Zoe!”

Zoe and her man walked straight past reception and into the open area between it and the café.

Anton Rogers watched as she unrolled her exercise mats and lay down on them. She did a couple of stretches and then smiled seductively at her man.

“Get down here with me, Brutus,“ she cooed at him. “Let’s have some fun!“

Brutus didn’t have to be told twice. He pulled his vest top up over his head revealing his marvellously toned abs and laid down on the mat beside her. He pulled her towards him andhe started kissing her on the mouth.“

“Zoe! Excuse me! Zoe!“ Anton Rogers shouted. “ You can’t do that here! Stop or I’ll call the police!“

But Zoe and Brutus were getting into the swing of things and totally ignored Anton’s pleas. The other Reception staff were tittering and quite a crowd was gathering, watching but pretending not to. A couple of mobile phones were discreetly videoing the process of events.

“Right!“ said Anton. “I’ve got to stop this! I’ll show her“ and he picked up the phone and dialled 999.

The police turnout was nothing short of miraculous as four police cars containing eight coppers arrived in double quick time in response to the emergency call re an orgy in the Reception Area of Sometimes Gym!

Zoe and Brutus appeared oblivious to what was going on around them and were, by now, writhing lovingly together on the floor. Eventually, having assessed the situation, PC Flod stepped forward and tapped Zoe on the shoulder with his truncheon.

“Excuse me, Miss! I don’t think you should be doing that here!“

“Doing what? We are just practising a scene for the movie that we’re making.“

“Urm. What type of movie is that, Miss?“

“Well. What do you think?“

“I wouldn’t like to speculate, Miss.“

Anton Rogers came over and butted in. “Can’t you just arrest them, Officers, and get them off my premises? This is really inappropriate behaviour.“

Zoe untangled herself and leapt to her feet. “Did you hear that, PC Flod? Inappropriate behaviour?“

“Yes, miss.“

“Mr Rogers. You may now instantly cancel my membership for inappropriate behaviour. It’s in your terms and conditions. And rules are rules. Come on Brutus. I’ll pay you later. We’re done here.“ 

As she rolled up her gym mats, she explained to PC Flod about the threat of debt collectors due to her cancelling her membership without notice. 

“I read the terms and conditions and it states that Sometimes Gym has the right to immediately cancel the membership of any member behaving inappropriately on the premises!”

“There’s nothing to arrest this couple for,” PC Flod decreed. “ They weren’t actually ‘in the act,’ you know. It would be simpler if you cancel Miss Smith's membership and then we canall be happy.“

“Oh, alright then. But I'm not happy about this and you, Miss Smith, have a lifetime ban!“ said Anton Rogers, his face looking like thunder.

Suddenly, the main door opened and in walked Nick York with another man and a baby.

“Oh! Hi Zoe! How are you? I do miss our classes. Let me introduce you to my husband, Tony. We got married at Christmas and I’m just starting paternity leave to look after our new baby daughter, Eve!”